Quotes by Woody Allen

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Related topics: Cynical Funny Sad Feeling-Down Movie Life

Eighty percent of success is showing up.
- Woody Allen

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have,
instead of what you don't have.
- Woody Allen

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
- Woody Allen

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Thank you for joining me on this journey we call life,
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Tradition is the illusion of permanence.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

I have a very pessimistic view of life.
You should know this about me if we're gonna go out.
You know, I - I feel that life is -
is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
Those are the two categories, you know.
The - the horrible would be like, um,
I don't know, terminal cases, you know,
and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life.
It's amazing to me. You know, and the miserable is everyone else.
That's - that's - so - so - when you go through life -
you should be thankful that you're miserable
because you're very lucky to be miserable.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
We were meant to be afraid.
- the Woody Allen movie Anything Else

The lion and the calf shall lie down together,
but the calf won't get much sleep.
- Woody Allen

I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year
for cheating on my metaphysics final ...
I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

I'm awash in self-contempt!
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen

You have no values. With you its all nihilism,
cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
- Woody Allen

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?
In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
- Woody Allen

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

The food at this place is really terrible ...
and such small portions.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream.
I'll be out in a minute.
- the Woody Allen movie What's New Pussycat

You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)

Money is better than poverty,
if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen

You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain

Life is not supposed to be fair.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Bringing a childlike wonder
and a beginner's mind to life
maximizes both success and joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is best when I wish neither to hurry the future nor to slow it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The book of life is filled with incoherent riddles.
Life's true lessons are inscribed in a corner of the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson

Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump

I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein

Success is failure recycled.
Life is death reborn.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

Life is really simple,
but we insist on making it complicated.
- Confucius

The life of inner peace,
being harmonious and without stress,
is the easiest type of existence.
- Norman Vincent Peale

Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is
whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell

Life is a succession of lessons
which must be lived to be understood.
- Helen Keller

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- The Buddha

Seek first to understand,
then to be understood.
- Stephen Covey

Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw

Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are,
or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.
It is what you think about.
- Dale Carnegie

Don't Criticize, Condemn, Or Complain.
- Dale Carnegie

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon

He who knows others is wise.
He who knows himself is enlightened.
- Lao Tzu

Where there is no accusation of "fault,"
there can be no anger.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous

Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences.
No one can eliminate prejudices -
just recognize them.
- Edward R. Murrow

Our loyalties must transcend our race, our tribe,
our class, and our nation;
and this means we must develop a world perspective.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Happiness cannot thrive within the prison of obligation
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The traveler sees what he sees,
the tourist sees what he has come to see.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton

The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again,
but expecting different results.
- Rita Mae Brown, also attributed to Einstein

Your greatest gift to your family and friends is yourself -
your relaxed, happy, and fully-present self.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Beware the Rattlesnake of the Mind.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

No man stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child.
- Anonymous (often attributed to Abraham Lincoln)

Universal compassion is the only guarantee of morality.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

Pursue some path, however narrow and crooked,
in which you can walk with love and reverence.
- Henry David Thoreau

I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Honor tradition AND question tradition.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie