Humorous Quote of the Day

Welcome to these Humorous Quotes of the Day from my large collection of positive, romantic, and funny quotes.

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Related topics: Inspirational Life Human-Nature Psychology Favorite-Quotes Cute Whimsey Funny Wisdom Humor

When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor

I can resist everything except temptation.
- Oscar Wilde

Confucius might have said:
Once frightened, twice smelly in armpit.
- Anonymous humor

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Thank you for joining me on this journey we call life,
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor

Wit is the lowest form of humor.
- Alexander Pope

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill

When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer

When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Mark Twain

Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein

My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller

Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain

When you think you're out of time,
smile, and turn back the clock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra

The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous

When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)

Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash

Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole

Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon

Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

One day Alice came to a fork in the road
and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His responses was a question: "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll

An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

To fall in love is awfully simple,
but to fall out of love is simply awful.
- Bess Myerson

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous

It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent.
What you lack, is the capacity.
- said by Shrek in the movie Shrek 2

Sometimes I've believed as many as
six impossible things before breakfast.
- Lewis Carroll

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

I'm just preparing my impromptu remarks.
- Winston Churchill

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

Today is my day to laugh at life.
Laugh loud - laugh often.
Laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad.
Laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer

I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel

As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
- W. C. Fields

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.
- Albert Einstein

I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

The road to success is always under construction.
- Anonymous

No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown

I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

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May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie