Funny Quote of the Day

Welcome to these Funny Quotes of the Day from my large collection of positive, romantic, and funny quotes.

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

Related topics: Wisdom Life Human-Nature Psychology Cynical Cute Whimsey

You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill

When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer

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Thank you for joining me on this journey we call life,
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous

Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)

Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar

Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Mark Twain

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain

A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain

Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra

When you think you're out of time,
smile, and turn back the clock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle

When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain

My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne

Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole

An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes

Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
- Stephen Hawking

One day Alice came to a fork in the road
and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His responses was a question: "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll

The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash

Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg

Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon

Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Love is an endless mystery,
for it has nothing else to explain it.
- Rabindranath Tagore

As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates

You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous

To fall in love is awfully simple,
but to fall out of love is simply awful.
- Bess Myerson

I refuse to answer that question
on the grounds that I don't know the answer
- Douglas Adams

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

All you need is love.
But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
- Charles M. Schulz

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth
or burn down your house, you can never tell.
- Joan Crawford

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham

I love deadlines.
I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
- Douglas Adams

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

The road to success is always under construction.
- Anonymous

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer

Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous

No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.
- Albert Einstein

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel

Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent.
What you lack, is the capacity.
- said by Shrek in the movie Shrek 2

When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor

There's a fine line between genius and insanity.
I have erased this line.
- Oscar Levant

Sometimes I've believed as many as
six impossible things before breakfast.
- Lewis Carroll

Today is my day to laugh at life.
Laugh loud - laugh often.
Laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad.
Laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I'm just preparing my impromptu remarks.
- Winston Churchill

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
- Steve Martin

Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
- W. C. Fields

Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

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May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie