Joking Quotes

My way of joking is telling the truth;
that is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw

Related topics: Cynical Funny

A joke is a very serious thing.
- Winston Churchill

Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.
- Anonymous

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

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Thank you for joining me on this journey we call life,
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)

One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.
- Euripides

I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty.
When the loyal opposition dies,
I think the soul of America dies with it.
- Edward R. Murrow

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences.
No one can eliminate prejudices -
just recognize them.
- Edward R. Murrow

Don't let one cloud obliterate the whole sky.
- Anais Nin

If you wait for opportunities to occur,
you will be one of the crowd.
- Edward de Bono

To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu

This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous

No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love one another but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea
between the shores of your souls.
- Khalil Gibran

The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard

When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy

Fear defeats more people than
any other one thing in the world.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide

Take your life in your own hands, and what happens?
A terrible thing: no one to blame.
- Erica Jong

Majority rule only works if you're also
considering individual rights,
because you can't have five wolves and one sheep
voting on what to have for dinner.
- Larry Flynt

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
- The Buddha

Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
- Mother Teresa

Try a new perspective on diversity.
Across the country and around the world,
we are all one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One can not reflect in streaming water.
Only those who know internal peace can give it to others.
- Lao Tzu

Drop the sword - for there is but one flesh to wound,
and it is the one flesh of all humankind.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

"Just living is not enough," said the butterfly,
"one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower."
- Hans Christian Andersen

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
- Joseph Campbell

Individually, we are one drop.
Together, we are an ocean.
- Ryunosuke Satoro

In one drop of water are found all the secrets of all the oceans.
- Khalil Gibran

I am one with the Earth,
with the Water, with the Fire,
with the Air that I breathe,
with all Living Things,
and we are all one with Spirit.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We still do not know one thousandth of one percent
of what nature has revealed to us.
- Albert Einstein

Joy increases and suffering decreases
as one masters the distinction between events
and one's feelings about those events.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands.
One for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
- Audrey Hepburn

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy
is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet,
alone with the heavens, nature and God.
Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.
- Anne Frank

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up.
The most certain way to succeed
is always to try just one more time.
- Thomas A. Edison

The quality, not the longevity, of one's life is what is important.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

One important key to success is self-confidence.
An important key to self-confidence is preparation.
- Arthur Ashe

When angry, count to ten before you speak.
If very angry, count to one hundred.
- Thomas Jefferson

Watch what people are cynical about,
and one can often discover what they lack.
- George S. Patton

The highest and most beautiful things in life
are not to be heard about, nor read about, nor seen but,
if one will, are to be lived.
- Soren Kierkegaard

It is impossible to begin to learn
that which one thinks one already knows.
- Epictetus

One of the surest ways to cause
yourself great suffering
is to insist upon being right -
to demand that all others view life
exactly as you view it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One bold inspiration choreographs a dance with promise.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

No one has a right to consume happiness without producing it.
- Helen Keller

And now here is my secret, a very simple secret:
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly;
what is essential is invisible to the eye.
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

The fox has many tricks.
The hedgehog has but one.
But that is the best of all.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Your life is the fruit of your own doing.
You have no one to blame but yourself.
- Joseph Campbell

The final delusion is the belief
that one has lost all delusions.
- Maurice Chapelain

Remember always that you have not only the right to be an individual,
you have an obligation to be one.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles
possesses the only strength which can overcome adversity.
- Albert Schweitzer

All progress is precarious, and the solution
of one problem brings us face to face with another problem.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

The Universe is one great kindergarten for man.
Everything that exists has brought
with it its own peculiar lesson.
- Orison Swett Marden

Whatever you are, be a good one.
- Abraham Lincoln

Don't give up. There are too many nay-sayers out there
who will try to discourage you.
Don't listen to them.
The only one who can make you give up is yourself.
- Sidney Sheldon

The function of prayer is not to influence God,
but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.
- Soren Kierkegaard

You can't have five wolves and one sheep
voting on what to have for dinner.
- Larry Flynt

I suppose leadership at one time meant muscles;
but today it means getting along with people.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Neither should a ship rely on one small anchor,
nor should life rest on a single hope.
- Epictetus

"Pride" is such a double-edged sword -
Self-Worth on one edge and Ego on the other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Be that self which one truly is.
- Soren Kierkegaard

About most subjects, there is not "The Truth;"
there is merely one's personal truth.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is any day better to stand erect
with a broken and bandaged head
then to crawl on one's belly,
in order to be able to save one's head.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Whenever you're in conflict with someone,
there is one factor that can make the difference
between damaging your relationship and deepening it.
That factor is attitude.
- William James

In the practice of tolerance,
one's enemy is the best teacher.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

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May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie