What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?
by Woody Allen

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?
In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
- Woody Allen

Related topics: Funny

Eighty percent of success is showing up.
- Woody Allen

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have,
instead of what you don't have.
- Woody Allen

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
- Woody Allen

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Thank you for joining me on this journey we call life,
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

I have a very pessimistic view of life.
You should know this about me if we're gonna go out.
You know, I - I feel that life is -
is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
Those are the two categories, you know.
The - the horrible would be like, um,
I don't know, terminal cases, you know,
and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life.
It's amazing to me. You know, and the miserable is everyone else.
That's - that's - so - so - when you go through life -
you should be thankful that you're miserable
because you're very lucky to be miserable.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Tradition is the illusion of permanence.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

The food at this place is really terrible ...
and such small portions.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
We were meant to be afraid.
- the Woody Allen movie Anything Else

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year
for cheating on my metaphysics final ...
I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
- Woody Allen

I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale

I'm awash in self-contempt!
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

The lion and the calf shall lie down together,
but the calf won't get much sleep.
- Woody Allen

I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)

You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point

You have no values. With you its all nihilism,
cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

Money is better than poverty,
if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen

I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream.
I'll be out in a minute.
- the Woody Allen movie What's New Pussycat

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.
- Lao Tzu

Attitude is everything.
- Charles Swindoll

Everything has beauty,
but not everyone sees it.
- Confucius

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl

Look at everything as though you were seeing it
either for the first or last time.
Then your time on earth will be filled with glory.
- Betty Smith

To know everything is to know nothing,
but to know nothing is to know everything.
- Confucius

He who has health has hope,
and he who has hope has everything.
- Anonymous

You remember lesson about balance?
Lesson not just karate only. Lesson for whole life.
Whole life have a balance. Everything be better. Understand?
- Miyagi: character in the movie Karate Kid

The Universe is one great kindergarten for man.
Everything that exists has brought
with it its own peculiar lesson.
- Orison Swett Marden

Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit.
Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever,
even if your whole world seems upset.
- Saint Francis de Sales

When love and hate are both absent
everything becomes clear and undisguised.
- Osho

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world,
and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.
- Norman Vincent Peale

It is against everything we stand for to take a human life.
Making an exception to that code is a bleak thing.
- Sam, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer

When I'm trusting and being myself...
everything in my life reflects this
by falling into place easily, often miraculously.
- Shakti Gawain

Accept everything about yourself - I mean everything.
You are you and that is the beginning and the end -
no apologies, no regrets.
- Henry Kissinger

Remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons.
Love yourself, trust your choices, and everything is possible.
- Cherie-Carter Scotts

For everything you have missed,
you have gained something else.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

As long as a man stands in his own way,
everything seems to be in his way.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
- Albert Einstein

Love is an undulating energy that moves through you,
within you, and radiates out of you,
and changes everything.
-Bartholomew

The key to everything is patience.
You get the chicken by hatching the egg,
not by smashing it open.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

Always aim at complete harmony
of thought and word and deed.
Always aim at purifying your thoughts
and everything will be well.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Personal importance, or taking things personally,
is the maximum expression of selfishness
because we make the assumption that everything is about me.
- don Miguel Ruiz

Imagination is everything.
It is the preview of life's coming attractions.
- Albert Einstein

If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right,
you'll probably never do much of anything.
- Win Borden

Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact.
Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.
- Marcus Aurelius

Everything that can be counted
does not necessarily count;
everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted.
- Albert Einstein

Only those who can leave behind everything they
have ever believed in can hope to escape.
- William S. Burroughs

A man who is a master of patience is master of everything else.
- George Savile

To everything there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die.
- Ecclesiastes 3:1

In spite of everything, I still believe
that people are really good at heart.
I simply can't build up my hopes on a foundation
consisting of confusion, misery and death.
- Anne Frank

For everything you have missed,
you have gained something else,
and for everything you gain,
you lose something else.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I Receive ALL of Life with Thanksgiving -
I have gratitude for EVERYTHING
that has ever occurred to bring me to this moment.
I give thanks for the joys and the sufferings,
the moments of peace and the flashes of anger,
the compassion and the indifference,
the roar of my courage and the cold sweat of my fear.
I accept gratefully the entirety of my past and my present life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Integrity is the essence of everything successful.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Everything popular is wrong.
- Oscar Wilde

When I see Spirit in everything, Peace is at hand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Sacrifice everything, and give up nothing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The moment there is suspicion about a person's motives,
everything he does becomes tainted.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Could you risk believing that everything
will unfold just fine if you completely let go
of all concern about everything else,
and simply are here, now - if only for a moment?
- Dmitri Bilgere

What if we just acted like everything was easy?
- Mary Anne Radmacher

We cling to our own point of view,
as though everything depended on it.
Yet our opinions have no permanence;
like autumn and winter, they gradually pass away.
- Zhuangzi

You can't be everything to everyone.
- Bill Cosby

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May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie