The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
by George Carlin

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- George Carlin

Related topics: Cynical

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- George Carlin

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Thank you for joining me on this journey we call life,
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin

I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- George Carlin

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
- George Carlin

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- George Carlin

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin

Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin

If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
- George Carlin

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- George Carlin

Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin

Bringing a childlike wonder
and a beginner's mind to life
maximizes both success and joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump

The book of life is filled with incoherent riddles.
Life's true lessons are inscribed in a corner of the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is
whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell

The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson

Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is not supposed to be fair.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is really simple,
but we insist on making it complicated.
- Confucius

Success is failure recycled.
Life is death reborn.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is best when I wish neither to hurry the future nor to slow it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

Life is a succession of lessons
which must be lived to be understood.
- Helen Keller

The life of inner peace,
being harmonious and without stress,
is the easiest type of existence.
- Norman Vincent Peale

I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein

Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Simply do your best, and you will avoid
self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
- don Miguel Ruiz

Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Our loyalties must transcend our race, our tribe,
our class, and our nation;
and this means we must develop a world perspective.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Seek first to understand,
then to be understood.
- Stephen Covey

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
- Anonymous

We Can Do It!
- WW II US Government Poster

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow,
you gotta put up with the rain.
- Dolly Parton

The purpose of our lives is to be happy.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

The traveler sees what he sees,
the tourist sees what he has come to see.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton

There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather

Where there is shouting, there is no true knowledge.
- Leonardo da Vinci

Change what you see,
by changing how you see.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to Dance in the Rain.
- Vivian Greene

He who knows others is wise.
He who knows himself is enlightened.
- Lao Tzu

The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are,
or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.
It is what you think about.
- Dale Carnegie

We don't see things as they are,
we see things as we are.
- Anais Nin

He who takes medicine and neglects his diet
wastes the skill of his doctors.
- Chinese Proverb

You Create Your Own Reality.
- Anonymous

Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences.
No one can eliminate prejudices -
just recognize them.
- Edward R. Murrow

Riches do not exhilarate us so much with their possession
as they torment us with their loss.
- Epicurus

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.
Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
- Oscar Wilde

The question is not what you look at, but what you see.
- Henry David Thoreau

If you wait for opportunities to occur,
you will be one of the crowd.
- Edward de Bono

Honor tradition AND question tradition.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie