Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it. ...
by George Carlin

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- George Carlin

Related topics: Cynical Funny

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin

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Thank you for joining me on this journey we call life,
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
- George Carlin

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin

I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- George Carlin

Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
- George Carlin

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin

So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin

Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- George Carlin

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- George Carlin

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- George Carlin

Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences.
No one can eliminate prejudices -
just recognize them.
- Edward R. Murrow

Know the power and the peace of saying,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing,
of just going along,
listening to all the things you can't hear,
and not bothering.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

A friend is someone who knows all about you,
and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard

"Just living is not enough," said the butterfly,
"one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower."
- Hans Christian Andersen

Just when the caterpillar thought
the world was over, it became a butterfly.
- Anonymous

If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
- Mother Teresa

The River of Life has no meaning,
no good, no bad, no better, no worse,
no love, no hate, no fear, no anger, no joy.
The River of Life has no judgment, no expectation.
The River of Life just IS.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Everything is a miracle,
not just the beautiful and lovely things.
- Anonymous

For a happy marriage,
love and accept your spouse just the way they are.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You don't have to burn books to destroy a culture.
Just get people to stop reading them.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

A closed mind is like a closed book;
just a block of wood.
- Chinese proverb

Intense love does not measure, it just gives.
- Mother Teresa

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up.
The most certain way to succeed
is always to try just one more time.
- Thomas A. Edison

Being part of the natural world reminds me
that innocence isn't ever lost completely;
we just need to maintain our goodness to regain it.
- Jewel

What you don't do daily, you probably won't do weekly either.
What you make a habit of putting-off
just keeps getting pushed away again and again.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The magic words for a great relationship are,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Most people give up just when
they're about to achieve success.
They quit on the one yard line.
They give up at the last minute of the game,
one foot from a winning touch down.
- Ross Perot

I wrap the potential for bitterness,
resentment, martyrdom in the blanket of forgiveness
and just set it down.
Then it just melts in the warmth. And goes away.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

Could you risk believing that everything
will unfold just fine if you completely let go
of all concern about everything else,
and simply are here, now - if only for a moment?
- Dmitri Bilgere

There is nothing to do.
There is nothing to say.
There is nothing to think.
There is nothing to feel.
The River of Life just flows.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You can have anything you want in life if you
just help enough other people get what they want.
- Zig Ziglar

Just smiling goes a long way toward
making you feel better about life.
And when you feel better about life, your life is better.
- Art Linkletter

Hold on... Joyfully.
Holding-on does not have to be
a desperate teeth-gritting kind of holding-on.
Holding-on can be a joyful
"this is just the nature of Life,
so I may as well enjoy it"
kind of holding-on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love is like a beautiful flower
which I may not touch,
but whose fragrance makes the garden
a place of delight just the same.
- Helen Keller

Truth never damages a cause that is just.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

You remember lesson about balance?
Lesson not just karate only. Lesson for whole life.
Whole life have a balance. Everything be better. Understand?
- Miyagi: character in the movie Karate Kid

It is darkest just before the dawn.
- Proverb

Improve what you can
and accept all the rest of life
just as it comes.
Know that fear is your worst enemy -
perhaps your only enemy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

What if we just acted like everything was easy?
- Mary Anne Radmacher

I never had a policy;
I have just tried to do my very best each and every day.
- Abraham Lincoln

If you understand, things are just as they are;
if you do not understand, things are just as they are.
- Zen Proverb

Without zest, what is life?
Just waiting for death?
- Osho

Anyone who conducts an argument by appealing to authority
is not using his intelligence; he is just using his memory.
- Leonardo da Vinci

I have not failed.
I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
- Thomas Edison

Always dream and shoot higher than you know you can do.
Don't bother just to be better than
your contemporaries or predecessors.
Try to be better than yourself.
- William Faulkner

Never give up, for that
is just the place and time
that the tide will turn.
- Harriet Beecher Stowe

Is today a day to gather strength from the storm -
a day to to learn life lessons for the next battle?
Or is today a day to sit by the fire
and watch the storm rage outside?
Either way, the storm is just life.
Give thanks for all of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One can flow harmoniously with the River -
or one can struggle fearfully against the River -
and the River just flows.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

What if we just pretended that life was easy?
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Just start dancing and the band will find you.
- Tama Kieves

To have done anything just for money
is to have been truly idle.
- Henry David Thoreau

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
- Dave Barry

Don't bother just to be better than
your contemporaries or predecessors.
Try to be better than yourself.
- William Faulkner

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May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie